“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” – Epictetus
People don’t know how to listen anymore. Or maybe they don’t care to listen. Whatever the case, it’s terrible that the fine art of listening is going down the drain with the fine art of conversation outside of texting and emailing.
I therefore feel it is my duty to offer this list of 10 tips on active listening.
- When someone is speaking to you, allow them to finish their sentence before you start talking in response.
- Look at the person who is speaking to you – look at their face and their eyes – do not look over their shoulder at something else.
- While someone is speaking to you do not be mentally preparing what you are going to say back to them. That means you are not really listening.
- Put down your phone or your book or anything else that may distract you.
- Make a conscious effort to absorb and understand what the person is telling you.
- Encourage the speaker by nodding, smiling or saying “yes I understand” or “yes I get it, go on…”
- Pay attention to their body language and facial expression – all of which will help you listen and understand what they are saying.
- Do NOT under ANY circumstances talk over the person before they have finished their sentence. (ESPECIALLY do not shout over them.)
- Paraphrase what they are saying in a short, concise manner so as to encourage more talking NOT to lead the conversation toward you and what you want to say.
- If you do inadvertently talk over a person, finish quickly and then say “I am sorry. I interrupted you. Go on with what you were saying.” In fact, even do this if you witness a person being cut off by someone else. Listen to the third-party then look directly at the person who got cut off and invite them to continue.
Active listening is a skill and as with any skill it takes practise. I have always firmly believed that good listeners are smart. They are more fun to be around and they usually have genuine care for other people. Isn’t this the kind of person you’d like to be?
“It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.” - Oliver Wendell Holmes
People are aware of few of the points mentioned above, but they fail to follow it. Its just bad manners. But great job to bring all of them at one place. Personally, I don’t listen to people whom I don’t like. Do you still think they deserve the same attention as for others?
Well it is my hope that I am never actually engaged in a one-to-one talk with someone I don’t like! However sometimes, you can’t help it – like if it’s your boss and you have to talk to her/him (hahaha!). Unfortunately, even people you don’t like deserve your full ear if you happen to be in conversation with them. However, I would think those instances are few and far between (hopefully!).
God, I’m guilty of ALL these nonlistening skills. Maybe that’s why my mother always says”you don’t let me finish.” lol. Well, neither does she!
So next time she says that remind her that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!! lol! It is a really cool experiment to start putting these things into practise. Or next time you are in a group sit back and just watch the conversation. You will see all of these things at work – very fascinating. And sometimes sitting back and watching is better than trying to fit a word in edgewise – that is just frustrating!!
Too true. Thanks for the reminder. Social etiquette seems to be at an all-time low, doesn’t it? I could be much better at not talking over people myself.
Interesting to see that readers are seeing themselves in some of these! Try the social experiment I suggested to Sandra. When you see one person constantly taking over a conversation you will want to hone your listening skills so as to never be that person! Believe me!
Wha…? I was texting while looking at the guy walking by behind you
LOL!!
It is a dying art … In fact I also have written about this awhile ago …http://journeyofmylifendestiny.blogspot.com/2011/11/do-you-hear-me.html
I will have to go have a read! Glad to see I am not the only one who has noticed this!
This here, masters the art of communication. Thank you for posting this. As good a listener as I am, I need to practice not speaking, no matter how excited I am to share, until the speaker has completely finished…maybe even a pause after the speaker has finished before I speak would be a good idea in my case. Awesome!
Thanks Linda! I try to remind myself as well. Those times when we are really eager to share what we want to say are probably the best times to remember to listen first and talk later.
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Good advice – there’s nothing worse than getting cut off mid-sentence, especially in a rude way! I know conversations can get excitable but people should always apologise and invite you to continue x
Easier said than done for most people that’s for sure! Makes me crazy when I can’t even get a word in edgewise!